OH GOD. Oh god, oh god, oh god. What if I never get pregnant and have a baby? What then hey? Unthinkable. That can’t happen. It just can’t. I think I’d break if it did. My heart, my spirit. I’m 35 and you know what they say when a woman is 35. It’s all downhill from now on fertility wise. I can actually see me…
So it’s almost two weeks since I started to lose my first ever pregnancy. Clinging on to the bathroom sink, rocking back and forth before the ambulance arrived, my body cruelly experiencing contractions. Right now I should be almost 8 weeks pregnant, willing on the 12 week scan to breathe a brief sigh of relief to have made it to that milestone. But. I’m not…
I don’t know what to say this morning. I’m lost. Completely. So I’m just going to let it flow here from my bed as the dustmen clang around outside. I burst into tears when I least expect it. Actually ‘burst’ isn’t the right word. It’s more of an uncontrollable hot pressure behind my eyes that begins to release really slowly at first as I try…
You got me. I fibbed. Or rather, held back the truth, the whole truth. The sabbatical thing? It was all about trying to get pregnant via IVF. Well no. Not all about that. Say 90%. I wanted to make sure I was surrounded by comfort and freedom and daily options to promote happiness and calm into my world. To spend more time with the people…
I am 2 days away from doing one of the things that I love and that is talking about mixed martial arts and mixed martial artists with my good friend Dan Hardy. In fact, in order to hang with Dan as he talks effortlessly about the smallest details of the fight game, I must study. Again, something I love. However, even with my dream job…
Day 6 in hospital and I’m reflecting through very sore eyes, on all the messages I’ve received since my post about losing Little Bud. Life isn’t easy in a maternity block when in the middle of the night you hear little lamb like cries from the newborns being birthed just yards away. You take a moment to think ‘can I really hear that or am…
This time a week ago John and I had come home from our minibreak in Tunbridge Wells and were about to view houses in Epping. I was blissfully pregnant. Over the coming days I would start to cautiously look at baby things on Etsy. I’d Whatsapp John a picture of the woodland animal baby mobile I liked accompanied by the line ‘might be getting ahead…
BEAUTY, CLEANSING AND HOUSE CLEANING STUFF I USE SINCE I GOT SCARED OF TOXINS AND CHEMICALS DISCLAIMER: I’m no health care professional but just under a year ago was diagnosed with endometriosis and now feel mega empowered to be more aware of the burden I have been putting on my body during my adult life. So I have since chosen a route that feels…
These were the first hurried words I recall asking the nurses as I came round from the General Anaesthetic last week. I was desperate to know if it was in fact Endo wreaking havoc in my insides. Then the pain hit me. My insides were burning. I reached for my swollen tummy and writhed around pleading for pain relief. My whole body was shaking, teeth…
A little over a month ago I had to leave work early. I was doubled over in pain at my desk. I made it to a meeting room without raising any eyebrows and phoned 111 with my symptoms and got told to go to the docs in the next few hours. The pain was in my left groin and shot like lightening up into…
